Looking On the Heart
On Being Pretty and Being Good
When [Jesse and his seven oldest sons] came, [Samuel] looked on Eliab and thought, “Surely his anointed is now before the Lord.” But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him, for the Lord does not see as mortals see; they look on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” Then Jesse called Abinadab and made him pass before Samuel. He said, “Neither has the Lord chosen this one.” Then Jesse made Shammah pass by. And he said, “Neither has the Lord chosen this one.” Jesse made seven of his sons pass before Samuel, and Samuel said to Jesse, “The Lord has not chosen any of these.” Samuel said to Jesse, “Are all your sons here?” And he said, “There remains yet the youngest, but he is keeping the sheep.” And Samuel said to Jesse, “Send and bring him, for we will not sit down until he comes here.” He sent and brought him in. Now he was ruddy and had beautiful eyes and was handsome. The Lord said, “Rise and anoint him, for this is the one.” Then Samuel took the horn of oil and anointed him in the presence of his brothers, and the spirit of the Lord came mightily upon David from that day forward (1 Samuel 16:6-13a NRSVUE).
This story has a lot to like for a closeted, insecure gay teenage boy.
For one thing, this trope of the smallest, weakest, and youngest son becoming the king of Israel can fill such a boy with hope. God uses those who are so often ignored, misunderstood, and overlooked in powerful, unexpected ways to accomplish his will. It is a variation of the rags to riches story: shepherd boy to king of the nation. With each older son that Samuel passes over, the excitement increases. Even if you feel like the runt of the litter, the story suggests, it may be that God will make you the leader of the pack.
For another thing, that runt in this particular story happens to be “ruddy” and “handsome” with “beautiful eyes” (v. 12) and this is very clearly a good thing. Reading a story that praises the masculine beauty of the main character can feel like implicit permission to value that beauty in the world—a thrilling permission for one who has been socialized to treat that appreciation for masculine beauty as suspect, sickening, or sinful. David, the king of Israel par excellence, is an attractive man, and that is a key detail in the story!
…that being said, the lesson of the story is precisely about the danger of relying too much on appearances. God tells Samuel, after he meets the first of Jesse’s sons and seems poised to anoint him at that very moment, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him, for the Lord does not see as mortals see; they look on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart” (v. 7).
This lesson becomes clear as each of Jesse’s sons in attendance are brought before him, and he rejects them one after the other. God chooses to anoint none of the men everyone apparently thinks would be suited for the job. In fact, the one God wants to anoint as king was not even brought in for consideration! “The Lord has not chosen any of these,” Samuel told Jesse. “Are all your sons here” (v. 11)? The youngest—stuck watching the sheep while the men of the family attends to important business without him—has to be sent for, and it turns out he will replace Saul as king of Israel. Sometimes, God chooses the runt of the litter and makes him leader of the pack.
…
I had a revelation while appreciating attractive men in the gym recently.
I came to the realization that I have unconsciously fabricated entire character descriptions for some of these men. This one, with the kind eyes? He is sensitive and shy, but if I worked up the courage to strike up a conversation with him, he would open up. That one, with the smooth skin and backwards baseball cap? He is confident and supportive, just waiting for someone to approach him—a Golden Retriever. That one with glasses and black hair that cascades in elegant waves over his forehead, he is closeted but extremely kind; those muscles are a kind of armor he has put on to protect himself.
It just so happens that all the physical attributes I find most attractive reveal a character trait I also find attractive. There is total correspondence, I apparently unconsciously believe, between the outward appearance and the heart. I find myself living as if inner ugliness unfailingly reveals itself in outward ugliness, and inner beauty in outward beauty—like that cursed portrait of Dorian Gray. And like his friend Lord Henry Wotton, I sometimes struggle to believe that beneath a handsome exterior hides any malice or selfishness. I tell myself I can detect it in their features. It is ridiculous, and yet so convincing in the moment. I am like the modern equivalent of a Victorian phrenologist, measuring skulls and earnestly believing that it reveals something substantive about who people really are inside.
In the past this has gotten me into trouble, when I mistakenly assumed that someone whom I found physically attractive possessed a character that was also attractive. I thought I learned that lesson (I certainly cried enough about it), but perhaps it is a lesson that one must repeatedly learn as one encounters each new, uniquely beautiful face.
…
God does not look at people the way I do; God “looks on the heart.”
I used to think that what I should learn from this story is mainly that we are hopelessly deluded, that should discount physical appearance entirely (“I don’t see attractiveness”). There is some truth to this: we can be very easily duped by outward appearances, and God certainly wants to help us see the character of others more clearly without being distracted by attractive features. But I think this kind of approach to beauty is flawed.
Striving to close our eyes to the beauty that captivates us does not only makes us miss out on beauty (which is a tragedy in and of itself!). It also prevents us from honestly taking stock of the ways that beauty affects us, whether we want it to or not. It is important, I think, to know how we react to “handsome” and “ruddy” features…or kind eyes, smooth skin, elegant wavy black hair, and big muscles. Beauty impacts us in subtle, unconscious ways; through reflection, we can become aware of how, so we can act rightly.
We are being called by God to develop a different way of seeing, to strive to unveil the ways we can act like Victorian phrenologists, to question our judgement on the basis of outward appearances, and to look for the ways a person reveals their character to us in words and deeds. And this way of ”looking on the heart” is for our good, preventing us from being duped into believing being pretty is a manifestation of being good. This does not mean ignoring beauty! On the contrary, it means becoming even more aware of beauty—both visible beauty and the invisible beauty of the heart.
Samuel was looking for a particular kind of person when God sent him to anoint the new king of Israel: someone fully grown, who looked strong and fierce, like a warrior king. God surprised him by leading him to a handsome young man with beautiful eyes. When I find myself looking for a handsome man with beautiful eyes (whatever that looks like for me), God might surprise me with someone who does not quite fit my expectations, but whose heart is good. I need to be aware of the ways beauty captivates me—that is, can sometimes hold me captive—so that I can learn to see beyond mere appearances to the heart within, to live with freedom and clarity.