Constructing a Celibate Gay Christian Spirituality (Pt. 1)

Nine Theses on Celibacy, Sexuality, and Friendship

Photo by Sean Sinclair on Unsplash

1. Celibacy is valid vocation that is by no means inferior to marriage.¹ In a conversation with the disciples about the indissolubility of marriage, Jesus mentions a kind of person who intentionally does not pursue marriage “for the sake of the kingdom of heaven”: “Not everyone can accept this teaching, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let anyone accept this who can” (Matthew 19:11-12 NRSVUE). Evidently, there are some who are unable to pursue marriage and sexual activity because of how they are born or because of the actions of others (Jesus seems to have in mind certain intersex conditions and castration, respectively) but also some who have chosen to prioritize the kingdom of heaven in a radical way. With these words, Jesus reveals an extremely high estimation for celibacy, and for those who choose not to pursue marriage or sexual activity (after all, he basically urges who can accept celibacy to do so). There is much honor in pursuing a life of celibacy!

2. In the resurrection, sexuality will undergo a radical transformation. Later in the same Gospel (in Matthew 22:23-33) some Sadducees approach Jesus with a hypothetical scenario meant to draw out the absurdity of the resurrection of the dead at the end of time: a woman who has married seven brothers, one after another as each of them met an untimely death. Once the seventh husband dies, as well as the poor woman herself, the Sadducees ask, which marriage will be preserved in the resurrection? Which brother will be this woman’s husband? Jesus responds, “You are wrong because you know neither the scriptures nor the power of God. For in the resurrection people neither marry nor are given in marriage but are like angels of God in heaven” (v. 29-30 NRSVUE).² One of the most straightforward readings of this passage (and the reading with the most support in the Western Christian tradition) is that in the resurrection, marriage itself will cease, along with sexual activity and reproduction.³ Angels have no need for marriage, sexual activity, or procreation. With death defeated, humans too will have no need for procreation—which is a key purpose of marriage and sexual activity (more on that below).

3. Marriage, sexual activity, and procreation are all deeply connected. I will not here give a full defense of the traditional Roman Catholic view (more than enough ink has been spilled in this defense, and by writers much more skilled than I am). But I can offer some of the ideas I find most persuasive. By necessity, all human beings have a biological mother and father, and the marital relationship should ideally form the stable matrix of love that every child deserves (which is another way of saying that biological parents have a responsibility to care for their children).⁴ While opposite-sex sexual activity is generally pleasurable, and does not unfailingly produce children, it is nevertheless always the kind of activity that does produce children. Sexual activity that is inherently non-procreative (rather than sex that merely happens to be non-procreative) frustrates the biological purpose of reproductive organs, which is procreation (even if they also produce sexual pleasure). I also see an attestation of the connection between marriage, sexual activity, and procreation throughout the biblical narrative. Not all of these ideas are persuasive on their own, but taken together, I am persuaded.

4. These teachings of Jesus on the resurrection are a lens through which to view the biblical creation accounts. If, based on the reading of the two above passages in the Gospel of Matthew, we accept that marriage and sexual activity do not play a role in the fulfillment of our humanity in the resurrection, then we must acknowledge that although God establishes marriage and implicitly blesses sexual activity in creation (Genesis 2:18-24), they are not as essential to what it means to be human as we might think. In the second creation account in Genesis 2:2-24, God first creates Adam, and then puts him to sleep, taking one of his sides and forming Eve from it; the logic thus implied is that male and female were originally one, and become one again in marriage. But keeping in mind the future resurrected state of which Jesus speaks prevents us from thinking that marriage is our final destiny. In the end, we will not be married, but will be “like the angels of God in heaven” (Matthew 22:29-30 NRSVUE).

5. Marriage and sexual activity are temporary goods God always intended to eventually fade away. The resurrection will not end up restoring us to the marriage of Eden; rather, in glory we will have no need of marriage and sexual activity (and perhaps even biological sex distinctions). Unless we imagine that God created human beings with marriage and sexual activity as essential to their nature, only to later completely change God’s mind (an idea that I think is beneath God), it seems clear that God gave human beings these gifts with the intention that they would eventually fade away. If grace restores nature rather than obliterating it, this means marriage and sexual activity—as good as they can be—are not essential to what it means to be human. Choosing to be a “eunuch for the sake of the kingdom of heaven” is indeed admirable, as it points toward the future resurrected state of humanity in a unique way. While marriage is an image of the union between God and his people, Christ and his Church—which will be ultimately fulfilled in the resurrection—celibacy is, in another sense, the resurrected state of life here and now.

6. God nevertheless gave marriage and sexual activity to human beings for several reasons. If marriage and sexuality were always intended to fade away, then what might we imagine are the reasons for these gifts? I will suggest at least four. First, they were given in order to provide an image of union between God and his people, Christ and his Church. Second, they were given in order to bind human beings together in relationships of dependence (spousal and filial). Third, they were given in order to prevent human extinction. And fourth, they were given in order to accomplish the God-given task to “be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion” (Genesis 1:28 NRSVUE). Each of these reasons, with just a little bit of reflection, further clarify the temporary nature of marriage and sexual activity. In the resurrection, the entirety of the redeemed will be fully united to God and to each other, dwelling on a new earth, and no longer faced with the threat of death.

7. Sexuality is a broader category than marriage, sexual activity, and procreation. Sexuality involves everything that it means to be sexed, not merely desire or engage in sexual activity. Looking again to the second creation account: humanity has been divided, and seeks to be united once again. Sexuality is about what it means to be a sexed being seeking union with other sexed beings, to overcome division through union.⁵ Therefore, sexuality has much to do, not only with marriage, sexual activity, and procreation, but also love, romance, friendship, family, community, etc.

8. Friendship is more essential to human nature than marriage, sexual activity, and procreation. While marriage, sexual activity, and procreation fade away in the resurrection, friendship will only be expanded so as to embrace all the redeemed. In his discourse to his disciples at the Last Supper in the Gospel of John, Jesus describes friendship as the supreme human love: “No one has greater love than this, to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13 NRSVUE). Friendship is the basis of all human love; the various human loves are all specialized forms of friendship. Friendship is not dissolved by death, and remains in the resurrection.

9. Friendship is an appropriate way of describing the relationship between God and humanity. Jesus continues his discourse at the Last Supper by calling his disciples his friends: “You are my friends if you do what I command you. I do not call you servants any longer, because the servant does not know what the master is doing, but I have called you friends, because I have made known to you everything that I have heard from my Father” (v. 14-15 NRSVUE). This means that every follower of Jesus can rightly be called his friend, and thus rightly considered a “friend of God”—like the lofty biblical figures of Abraham (James 2:23, see also 2 Chronicles 20:7, Isaiah 41:8) and Moses (Exodus 33:11). Just as the author of 1 John marvels at our divine filiation, we can say “see what love our Friend has given us, that we should be called friends of God” (see 1 John 3:1)!

1. By “celibacy,” I mean mostly sexual abstinence, not necessarily singleness; those who pursue celibacy may do so in partnerships or intentional communities. And by “marriage,” I mean sacramental marriage, not civil marriage. Those who pursue celibacy with a partner (a celibate partnership) may very well choose to get civilly married for plenty of practical reasons. I hope to address some of the further complexities of celibacy and celibate partnership in a later post!

2. A suggestive Latin etymology: the word “celibate” comes from the Latin caelibatus, which St. Isidore of Seville suggests is related to the word caelum, meaning “sky, heaven.” Celibate folks (caelebs) are “blessed in heaven” (caelobeatus).

3. I will say this is a pretty Western way of saying this; in the East, there is arguably more of an impulse to say that something of earthly marriages remains, even as it is radically transformed and sexual activity fades.

4. This is not to say that any particular biological parents of children are necessarily the best option to raise them, or that those who are not biological parents (such as grandparents, older siblings, adoptive parents, etc.) cannot be a great parents!

5. Another Latin etymology: the word “sexuality” comes from the Latin sexus, which is possibly related to the Latin word secare, meaning “to cut, to sever.”